Thursday, October 4, 2012

The Slippery Slope

When I first started stripping, I swore I'd never let a guy touch my breasts for money, let alone touch him. I was eighteen when I started out and I saw how jaded the girls in their late-twenties were: They'd do anything for money. I once walked in on a veteran stripper giving an white-haired man a blow job in the VIP room.

"Don't go there," I always told myself. It's a slippery slope.

Given that, I'm weighing my options with my new money crisis: getting $3,000 for a family law attorney, as well as funds to get my daughter in after-school care so I can work more hours. My mother tells me that I should just skip the lawyer and defend myself, but the idea of losing custody of my daughter drives me crazy.

"You worry too much," my mother says as she tips back her cocktail and resumes watching the Home Shopping Network.

Maybe I don't have anything to worry about because Jared wasn't around for 90 percent of our child's upbringing, but now that he's clean and sober, married, and gainfully employed (auto mechanic), he thinks he can provide a more stable home. The scary part is that he lives in Michigan and me in Cali, so any amount of custody will take her away from me. Honestly, if I lost custody, I'd move to Michigan to be with her, but that's the last thing I'd like to think about.

I've so overwhelmed that I'm feeling desperate, admittedly. It's the whole "don't go shopping when you are hungry," thing. But the only way I can stop being "hungry", money-hungry that is, is to have more money. And I have a couple clients who have offered to ease that burden.

One option is to go full service for some of my preferred clients. These are guys that I've seen repeatedly and I've gotten along with well in sessions. I generally get offered $300 for full service and honestly some of them I find quite attractive. The other option is a the monthly-stipend to be a client's girlfriend, although I think honestly mistress would a more fit description. There would be sex, but also dinner and possibly vacations. Dinner and vacations sounds lovely, but it's also more a time commitment, which means finding someone to watch my daughter. I'm not sure what I'll do, but I'm giving it some thought.