Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Can You Keep A Secret?

We all have secrets. It's completely normal. Some big, some small. Like for example:

  1. I have a mouthwash compulsion. I hide tiny bottles in my car, backpack, locker, and purse, swishing and spitting throughout the day in the most unladylike fashion.
  2. I don't know the first thing about Syria and why we are mad at them. BUT, I could tell you everything about Lamar Odom's crack addiction or Amanda Bynes' psychiatric hold or why I think Vickie from the Real Housewives should not be dating Brooks.
  3. I once egged an ex-boyfriend's car. Childish, yes.
  4. I have veneers. But my teeth still look real. So, when people compliment my smile, I just say "thanks, good genetics."
  5. I have weird lesbian dreams about Aubree.
  6. I will always tell a client that I'll see him again and smile, but if I don't, I just block their number.
  7. I'll break my boundaries for more money. Unless he has dingleberries.
  8. I asked Aubree to cyber-stalk Cole on Facebook.
  9. When I'm not working, I wear over-sized granny panties, usually Jockey For Her.
  10. I am the co-owner of Wild Orchid Massage. Yes, that kind of massage place.
  11. Of course, it's not really called Wild Orchid, but you get the point. Names are changed to protect the guilty.